Stuff you Extension 2 English Project. STUFF YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! /end rant
I have a lot of hate and anger right now. So I'm just warning you guys - this isn't gonna be a post full of marshmallows and rainbows and happiness (not that I ever blog about marshmallows and rainbows and happiness).
A lot of my pissed-off-of-ness came from maths tutor. I hate it. I hate it with a burning passion - like I've never hated anything as much before in my life. I don't know what it is exactly but a part of it comes from being cooped up 3-4 hours in a tiny white room while learning about something that frankly, doesn't interest me at all. Okay to be honest, I don't always hate it. But the feeling is common enough that I know it can't be anything else.
I have tried to like it. Don't sit there and judge me and think that I've never tried. I have. But I still don't like it.
I also am quite sick of myself. While I sit there and rot in that little white room a voice in my head just keeps asking, "Why do you bother with 4u then?". And I hate that I can't answer that. It's definitely not because I like it. The whole row at the back of the classroom seems to ADORE it and for some reason, that just adds to my annoyance. Yes I am aware that I am being a petty, spoilt brat. And I hate that that's how I feel. Actually now that I think about, it seems like the more significant reason that I hate maths tutor is because of myself and the attitude I have towards it. I can't understand myself and that annoys me. Maybe it's because I'm scared of dropping it. I'm scared of dropping it and then regretting it. Oh and also the "telling people that I'm dropping it" part too. Especially my maths tutor. Oooh that'll be nasty.
Can I just say that I am really tempted to ring Othilia just so I could vent to someone? But I won't do that because 1) it's 10 at night and 2) we have school tomorrow. I am a very strange person. I love being alone and doing stuff by myself (e.g. reading books, watching TV shows on my laptop) but when I start feeling frustrated or angry I just have to vent to someone. (Haha, speaking of which, I don't know how Elyn does it. How is it possible that she hasn't spontaneously combusted from all the random shit I tell her in maths class? I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm just overloading her with all my worries and she just takes it in. LOL. Elyn I don't think you read this but can I just say that you are awesome.) Sorry guys, I know it's not fair - it's almost like I'm saying that I only need you when I'm upset. BUT I'M NOT SAYING THAT OKAY? I LOVE YOU GUYS. DON'T THINK THAT I DON'T.
Sigh. I was going to rant more but I can't be bothered. I want to read and lose myself in a story. I don't want to think about school tomorrow and upcoming HSC exams. That will only make me more stressed and angry. Goodnight people.
P.S. I, like Tian, have only recently realised that there is a "stat" button up there on my blogger dashboard. How did I not notice it before? Anyway, just wanted to say Hi to anyone from Ukraine that's reading this LOL. Apparently you make up quite a big percentage of my blog traffic :L
What is wrong with this English assessment task? It's like freakin' bipolar. It can't make up its mind whether to be a report or a magazine article 'cause seriously, to whoever wrote this task, THOSE ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. A magazine article requires some sort of personal response -kind of like a feature article, you have to engage with the audience (and usually, it's written informally.)Well, from the limited number of magazines I've ever read, that seems to be the case...
A report on the other hand is supposed to present the outcome of research, investigations or meetings. It is written FORMALLY, with simple and concicse expressions. One of the teachers said you're supposed to use the word "I" and make your own judgements. How are you supposed to do that if reports are meant to be impartial? And aren't reports usually written for science/economics/business type things, not literature? Unless you're talking about a literature review... in that case, it is a totally different thing.
So basically, you've got to be formal yet you can refer to yourself. Impartial yet remembering to add your own opinions. Use subheadings but somehow try to cover like, 15 aspects. And somehow, make it sound like it's straight out of a poetry magazine. Dude, who even reads poetry magazines???
MY INCOMPETENT BRAIN CANNOT COMPREHEND ANY OF THIS. Somebody? Anybody? Please explain, LOLS.
Damn you bloody t-formula question. You made me waste like a bloody 15 minutes on you, and you weren't even supposed to be a hard question. I betcha I copied the question wrong. Yeh, that's probably it. Cause I swear to Buddha my working out was all right. AAARGH.
Okay, enough ranting. Let's talk about the serious stuff.
I hate it when people go, "You have to decide yourself, Cynthia. Don't think that we're pushing you to do this, cause we're not. It's all up to you." But you can just feel that they're expecting you to do it and all you want to do is go, "STOP BULLSHITTIN' IN MA FACE >:( AND JUST DECIDE FOR ME. FARRRRR. "
Like that whole history extension thing. Although technically no-one really pushed me to do it. I just couldn't decide and ended up going for it anyway. You know what? I think that's my problem. Once someone offesr something to me, I can't say no. And there's that added pressure of not wanting to say no in case its like you just took the chance they offered and chucked it back into their face. Oh god, this is bad. What if someone offers me drugs in the future and I can't say no????
Today, Ms M and my vocal teacher offered me an audition thingy for some kind of music workshop that's held annually. Basically it's a very difficult program to get into and I think they only accept 20 people a year. Anyway if I accept, I have to prepare 2 audition pieces (for singing) and I also need backing tracks for it. Then on the day of the audition Ms will drive me to the place (along with a few others also from our school) and then I have to.... audition. If you do make it in, you get 6 days of intensive but fun music workshopping (spread out over the year) and near the end of term 3, they hold a concert to showcase what youd've done. That is assuming, if you do make it in.
I don't know if I want to though. I've already got a lot piled up on my plate, not to mention my extreme case of stagefright that means I have a talent for sounding like a strangled chicken when I sing in front of others. And also, you can just tell that those auditions will have heaps of THOSE people. Yeh, you know what I mean. Those really confident, talented people who have like, done auditions their whole lives.
What to do? :(
My life fucking sucks.
I have a tutor test tomorrow, which I didn't hear about until an hour ago. I've been sitting at the back for my Wednesday classes so sir doesn't check my work. Which is a good thing cause I don't get about half the stuff I learn in class, I struggle with the homework and I've got like all these random black spaces in my book where I think I'm supposed to have working out but I don't cause I just don't get it.
I got yelled at by my piano teacher (again) cause I haven't been reading up on classical suites, purcell and bach.
My mum can't drive me back from tutor tomorrow. So guess who's gonna be driving me home? ><' Two words ass-hole.
My modern history exam is the day after tomorrow. I couldn't study for it cause I was cramming for the tutor test that just came out of nowhere.
I can't do it. My brain's gonna explode.
I can't fucking write 2 essays (5-6 pages each), an extended response and answer short answer questions in only 2 hours.
I think they're overestimating me. My english feature article was only about 3 pages and I had TWO periods to do that.
I don't even have time to study for my normal year 10 yearlies cause of all the stuff I've been doing. Oh and Ms M has decided to use the violin people as her music slaves again so that means I need to practice for another performance. I AM SO SICK OF THAT SONG.
I also stubbed my toe again. Another stuffed-up toenail. It won't stop bleeding.
*sigh* Ranting to this blog has helped..... a little. But I still have a giant headache that won't go away and I still feel like crying. I think I'll just go to sleep now. I can't think clearly.
P.S. I wonder who reads this blog... It's kind of scary thinking that some randoms out there might come across this.
Things pissing me off:
- My parents are gay losers.
- My mum says she doesn't want to pay for my vocal+violin lessons anymore. Well that's just great, especially since she told me at the beginning of the term that she would pay for anything AS LONG AS I WANTED TO DO IT. <---- you see that? Those were her exact words. She's not supposed to just change her mind cuz she felt like it! Where the fuck am I supposed to get $125 from?! If she didn't want me to take those lessons she should have TOLD ME THAT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE TERM. HA! Who's the bad parent??
- Just when I manged to catch up on stuff, the teachers decided to give us an english assessment. whoopee.
- I think I'm gonna drop tutoring classes cuz everything we've done so far, I haven't understood. Actually why is this even on this list? I should be happy that I'm dropping cuz then I would finally understand what I'm doing.
- I asked my dad why he kept yelling at my aunty and uncle - especially since they were just bringing food to our house. He turned his anger to me instead and started yelling random junk at me. & since my mum is a brainless zombie who likes to support her brainless husband, she started yelling at me as well - and I didn't even do anything O_O. But it was kinda funny when my dad turned around and directed his anger towards her. Now they're both spazzing at each other downstairs. Ahhh, music to my ears.
- I realize that I should be studying surds right now - not blogging. LOL, how lazy have I become?
- Tomorrow is Wednesday and Wednesday means piano lessons and piano lessons mean getting yelled at by my piano teacher cuz I don't practice my scales.
- Last but not least, I have gay parents.
EDIT: I just asked my mum what I was supposed to eat for dinner and since she was still pissed about the argument with my dad, she told me to "Eat shit." See how much my parents love me?
That's all :)
Today, I realised that if you knew my name + school, you could stalk me via google. It would come up with a list of links and one of them led to this page. I've changed the settings now so that people don't stumble onto this page randomly. It's not that I have a problem with randoms, its just that on this page, I sometimes bitch about things that might offend some people...
Like now.
Mr. Downsyndrome, you are a gaybo and I hate you >:( I AM NOT BRINGING SCIENCE WORK TO AMERICA! Like, WTFFF?! Today, when I told him that I wasn't going to be here for four weeks, he gave me a death stare and said, "WHY are you telling this to me now? Do you want me to run around at the last minute preparing work for you?"
Errr.. NO! Who said anything about extra work? Not me. I just wanted you to know that, in case we have anything important coming up. FAR OUT! I already gave a note to the office about my early leave. I've done everything I should've done so just STOP with the why-are-you-not-responsible shit. You can take your science hw and ----- &%$#@
Ms S, you are also a gaybo. Why the hell do I need to go typequick tomorrow to record my results? What's wrong with telling them to you now? During the whole typequick course, I've been staring at my results 10000 times and NOW you call me back to record them. Gee, isn't that smart.
Mr N is also a gaybo - but that's self-explanatory.
Mr. J (tutor), I hate you as well. Why do you have to make me do a test the day before I go? I have a life okay. Please don't make me do a test that I haven't prepared for, espcially one that I didn't even know was on, until the day before.
& who's the gayest of them all, you ask? Well, Ms H of course. She also gave me a you-just-made-my-life-harder-glare when I said I was going to the US. I think she was pissed coz I wasn't going to be here for the test. That's not my problem, I warned her a week ago that I was leaving and she chose to remember now. Again, NOT MY PROBLEM!
Phew, now that I've gotten that out of my system, I feel much better. I can now go back to acting normal at school instead of having a black cloud hanging over me the whole day. I swear, I just wanted some people get struck by lightning today...
Anyway, this is why I need to protect my blog from unwanted visitors. I really don't want people stumbling onto this blog by accident.... especially people who'll get offended by what I write.
I think I'll end off now with a POTO reference (HAHA, you thought that for once, I wasn't going to mention Phantom of the Opera, didn't you? Well tough luck).
(as she attempts to leave the first
time)Carlotta: Andiamo.
Tutti. No, es finito. Is finished. Get my doggy, bring my doggy. Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, dancing girls. Bye-bye. See you later, because I'm going now. It is
finished.See you later.Lefevre: Gentlemen,
good luck. If you need me, I shall be in Australia.
Well, if you need me, I'll (soon) be in america. Goodbye and goodnight :)
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