I have a lot of hate and anger right now. So I'm just warning you guys - this isn't gonna be a post full of marshmallows and rainbows and happiness (not that I ever blog about marshmallows and rainbows and happiness).

A lot of my pissed-off-of-ness came from maths tutor. I hate it. I hate it with a burning passion - like I've never hated anything as much before in my life. I don't know what it is exactly but a part of it comes from being cooped up 3-4 hours in a tiny white room while learning about something that frankly, doesn't interest me at all. Okay to be honest, I don't always hate it. But the feeling is common enough that I know it can't be anything else.

I have tried to like it. Don't sit there and judge me and think that I've never tried. I have. But I still don't like it.

I also am quite sick of myself. While I sit there and rot in that little white room a voice in my head just keeps asking, "Why do you bother with 4u then?". And I hate that I can't answer that. It's definitely not because I like it. The whole row at the back of the classroom seems to ADORE it and for some reason, that just adds to my annoyance. Yes I am aware that I am being a petty, spoilt brat. And I hate that that's how I feel. Actually now that I think about, it seems like the more significant reason that I hate maths tutor is because of myself and the attitude I have towards it. I can't understand myself and that annoys me. Maybe it's because I'm scared of dropping it. I'm scared of dropping it and then regretting it. Oh and also the "telling people that I'm dropping it" part too. Especially my maths tutor. Oooh that'll be nasty.

Can I just say that I am really tempted to ring Othilia just so I could vent to someone? But I won't do that because 1) it's 10 at night and 2) we have school tomorrow. I am a very strange person. I love being alone and doing stuff by myself (e.g. reading books, watching TV shows on my laptop) but when I start feeling frustrated or angry I just have to vent to someone. (Haha, speaking of which, I don't know how Elyn does it. How is it possible that she hasn't spontaneously combusted from all the random shit I tell her in maths class? I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm just overloading her with all my worries and she just takes it in. LOL. Elyn I don't think you read this but can I just say that you are awesome.) Sorry guys, I know it's not fair - it's almost like I'm saying that I only need you when I'm upset. BUT I'M NOT SAYING THAT OKAY? I LOVE YOU GUYS. DON'T THINK THAT I DON'T.

Sigh. I was going to rant more but I can't be bothered. I want to read and lose myself in a story. I don't want to think about school tomorrow and upcoming HSC exams. That will only make me more stressed and angry. Goodnight people.

P.S. I, like Tian, have only recently realised that there is a "stat" button up there on my blogger dashboard. How did I not notice it before? Anyway, just wanted to say Hi to anyone from Ukraine that's reading this LOL. Apparently you make up quite a big percentage of my blog traffic :L