I hate it when people go, "You have to decide yourself, Cynthia. Don't think that we're pushing you to do this, cause we're not. It's all up to you." But you can just feel that they're expecting you to do it and all you want to do is go, "STOP BULLSHITTIN' IN MA FACE >:( AND JUST DECIDE FOR ME. FARRRRR. "

Like that whole history extension thing. Although technically no-one really pushed me to do it. I just couldn't decide and ended up going for it anyway. You know what? I think that's my problem. Once someone offesr something to me, I can't say no. And there's that added pressure of not wanting to say no in case its like you just took the chance they offered and chucked it back into their face. Oh god, this is bad. What if someone offers me drugs in the future and I can't say no????

Today, Ms M and my vocal teacher offered me an audition thingy for some kind of music workshop that's held annually. Basically it's a very difficult program to get into and I think they only accept 20 people a year. Anyway if I accept, I have to prepare 2 audition pieces (for singing) and I also need backing tracks for it. Then on the day of the audition Ms will drive me to the place (along with a few others also from our school) and then I have to.... audition. If you do make it in, you get 6 days of intensive but fun music workshopping (spread out over the year) and near the end of term 3, they hold a concert to showcase what youd've done. That is assuming, if you do make it in.

I don't know if I want to though. I've already got a lot piled up on my plate, not to mention my extreme case of stagefright that means I have a talent for sounding like a strangled chicken when I sing in front of others. And also, you can just tell that those auditions will have heaps of THOSE people. Yeh, you know what I mean. Those really confident, talented people who have like, done auditions their whole lives.

What to do? :(