Taemin, what the frack did they do to your hair?!?!



Seriously this has got to stop! Who gave you permission to have nicer hair than me?? WHO??

^ is what I shall be doing for the next 7 days.

And then on the last day, I can go spaz over THE HUNGER GAMES, aka the movie I've been waiting for since 2009. LOL okay, that sounds kind of sad.

Hopefully all goes well and I won't have to spend the next few weeks in a slump of despair over a botched up exam.

OKAY GUYS, LET'S STUDY!

Ever since I started Year 12, I've been hanging around the library a lot. Actually I practically live there, since it has become my temporary maths classroom as well. Anyway, I've been noticing that in my free periods, people that normally don't talk to me (or even know I exist) have been approaching me and asking me how many hours I study a night.

THAT IS AN ENTIRELY LEGIT QUESTION... which I don't know how to answer because I don't "study". I do homework and if I feel like it, pretend to make notes for the sake of acting productive. So at this point, my expression is like the one above because inwardly, I'm panicking. If I say I don't study a lot, I put my nerd-status at risk. And if I say I spend 6 hours a night reviewing notes or something, I would be lying and people would start running away from me in fear.

So yeah, just something pointless I wanted to share. I now feel more motivated to study lol. But don't worry, it will pass.

(Context: Vietnam is being threatened by an invasion from both the French and the Chinese and Ho Chi Minh says he would prefer being invaded by the French.)

Ho Chi Minh: "You fools! Don't you realize what it means if the Chinese remain? Don't you remember your history? The last time the Chinese came, they stayed a thousand years. The French are foreigners. They are weak. Colonialism is dying. The white man is finished in Asia. But if the Chinese stay now, they will never go. As for me, I prefer to sniff French shit for five years than eat Chinese shit for the rest of my life."

Source: "Vietnam a History" - Stanley Karnow, 1983, Penguin Books, etc. etc.

Haha I just found that extremely funny. I don't know. I suppose anything and everything becomes funny once you've been staring at history books for 6 hours.

I feel so guilty staying home to study even though the school has technically authorised it. And when I start thinking about the amount of work I will miss, it makes my head hurt. Actually no. I should rephrase. I'm not worried about ALL the subjects/work I will miss. I'm only worried about maths. CAUSE WE FREAKIN' GET MATHS HOMEWORK EVERY DAY GUISE. Damn you, my hated maths-teacher-who-shall-not-be-named-nor-seen-nor-smelt-of-nor-spoken-about. Hmmph.

But anyways... there was something I really wanted to say. Um and now I've forgotten what it was. Sigh. It probably wasn't that important anyway.

Oh right, this isn't what I wanted to say but, by staying home the whole day I didn't actually manage to learn/study a lot. Thinking about it now, the only new thing I learnt today was: "Hey, hey, LBJ. How many kids have you killed today?"

LOL. Hopefully I might be able to use that in the Vietnam essay.... if they ask a question about the Home Front. I could even use this one, "One, two, three, four.... we don't want your f*cking war!!!". Or this: "LBJ - pull out like your old man should have!"

....ooooh, BUUUUUUUURNED..... On second thoughts, maybe I shouldn't use that last one.

.....is what I keep hearing from all the teachers who have marked my modern history essays/trial papers. AND I AM SO SICK OF HEARING IT. ITS HAAAAARD OKAY?!?!? I hate it when you think you've done enough and then afterwards you find out that enough was definitely nowhere near enough.

I want to do the exams now. I want to have them over and done with. I want to be able to forget about stupid russia and stupid indochina and stupid ho chi minh and stupid appeasement and stupid WWI and stupid herodotus and stupid post-modernism and just focus on my normal Year 11.5 work. I want to watch Doctor Who and not have to wait 4 weeks until after the tests :(

I also don't want to do the exams now. Because a) I am not prepared and b) I am nowhere near prepared.

So there you go. That's my current frame of mind. I simultaneously want to do the tests and not do them.

I should study.

Cause like, alcohol is soooo mainstream. All the cool kids drink ginger beer :)

I just realised that I forgot to test for 180 degrees today, whilst doing the maths extension test. How many times have I reminded myself, "When using the t-formula, TEST FOR 180 DEGREES!!" Well there goes another mark...

Does anyone ever feel antsy when they have too much free time? This is how I've been feeling lately. I'm so used to getting bombarded with work and assignments that this week, having a few days off has left me feeling... stranded? I swear, THERE'S NOTHING TO DO. I think it might be because I don't do any of the heavy subjects like science, business studies or eco. Sure, I have my challenging subjects but they're the year 12 ones. *grumblehistoryextensiongrumble* So I find that I have way too much free time on my hands. Okay, I shall attempt to explain my thoughts via the use of dot points:

• "YAY! I have a day off today. What shall I do? I should probably study for legal."


• "Okay, I've finished legal, let's have some fun now!"


• "Oh... but on facebook, everyone says they're studying."


• "It doesn't matter! I've got FOUR more days to study for legal!"


• ".....uh oh. Am I getting overconfident?"


• "I should probably use my free time to my advantage and cram like a crazy person."


• "That's right, my free time never lasts long anyway. This is like the calm before the storm. Sooner or later, I'm going to be swamped by tests and HSC practice papers."


• "GAAAAH, what to do?!"


• "STUDY!!!!!!"

I feel like I'm turning into one of those crazy people who study for the sake of studying. Kind of like how Jimmy doesn't feel normal when he doesn't have tutor classes. But the truth is, I don't even do that much studying. The thing I am most afraid of in the world is thinking that I'm studying a lot when in fact, I'm just making excuses for myself and going, "Uggh, that should be enough studying for today."

How much studying is enough? Is there a way to measure the exact amount of hours I am supposed to be putting in? What if I think I'm studying a lot when in actual fact, it's not a lot and inside, I'm just being a lazy person. Cause it seems strange how I'm always telling myself that I do too much work when I actually have time to drama, lol. That seems really self-defeating to me.

Sorry for talking about studying, guys. I don't mean to stress you out but I can't help it :(

MY BRAIN IS INCOMPETENT. Sigh.


If only this was true. If only...

My exact feelings right now can be communicated through the above picture. I just feel like putting my head to my desk and staying like that for the rest of the week. Or month.

This is the first time I've broken my "30-minute" rule that I've been following for the past three (has it only been three?) days. Literally all I've been doing it studying. I live, eat and breathe history. Fuck, I even started to dream about history last night. But I digress. I broke the rule because I really wanted to blog about my sad existence.

"The trials will be over by next week" has been my mantra over the past few days. It's what kept me going. After all, I can half kill myself trying to cram for the exams (5 essays and a few short answers within 4 and a half hours, over a two day period) and then just let it all go afterwards. I get a break between the trials and HSC after all. But today, my piano teacher just reminded me that my Musicianship 4th Grade exam is coming up next month and I have less than 3 weeks to prepare for it. And all those days of not revising my cadences and composers have finally caught up with me and now I need to spend my days re-reading stuff about fucking Bach, Handel, chord progressions and Baroque Suites. Hence the *headdesk* up the top.

It feels so self-defeating. Why do I do all this studying? Of course I want the marks but it's so PAINFUL to put myself through this everytime I get a Year 12 exam. Because I'm in year 11, I tend to feel like I have to overcompensate and make up for the disadvantage of doing the test one year early. Also, I'm starting to ask myself, what happens next? Danny mentioned something along these lines in his blog. About asking yourself what happens next and feeling purposeless. I feel the same right now. What happens after these trials? I have to start preparing for the Musicianship exam. What happens after the Musicianship exams? I start preparing for Year 11 Preliminary Exams. What happens after the Preliminary Exams? I start preparing for the HSC. Right now, the future looks so bleak and depressing :(

On a lighter note, although I feel like burning all my history textbooks and stuff, I also feel motivated to do some exercise. :O SHOCK! GASP! Oh yes, I did just say that. I WANT to do exercise. I don't know what brought this on though. Maybe after finding out Lee Min Ho's weight (which is extremely extremely light), I realised that I didn't want to become heavier than him. Cause that would be so weird. Or maybe Othilia has subconsciously influenced me to do more exercise through her health/fitness posts. Possibly a combination of the two.