I love my major work about as much as I love Chinese mushrooms, racist people, the flu, bananas and that stupid game where they make you draw a given shape with only one line (and without lifting your pen).

I don't even know how to fix it lol. Cause fixing it entails rewriting the whole thing. Le sigh.

I wish I could say I was different from everybody else and not worried about the future (because atm it seems to be a trend to blog about how screwed up your life is), but I'm not. I am exactly like everyone else cause I have no fucking idea what to do with myself.

Journalism is officially out of the question. After hearing all that stuff on the news about the budget cuts and Fairfax closing down, I'm pretty sure only a really brave or really stupid person would choose to do a course on journalism. There's not going to be a "Sydney Morning Herald" anymore. Media industries are closing down and firing thousands because everyone would rather get their news online. By the time I get out of Uni and start looking for a job, there will be very few newspapers left. I'm not mad at the world for changing. It'll be stupid to argue that technology is ruining our lives when it's obviously given us back so much more. But a small part of me just wonders why I couldn't have been born like, two decades ago.

Speaking of technology, I went to see Mr M today to get feedback for my major work. I was basically told that I had to rewrite 80% of it cause it was bad/irrelevant/boring and basically not of a good quality. In my head, I was thinking, "You tell me this now?? Especially when you could have said something like 5 weeks ago when I sent you that draft? I spent the last few weeks fixing up the wrong parts and doing the wrong things instead of dedicating time to my other subjects and now I get told that it was all irrelevant anyway." Then I felt mad at myself because I realised how petty I was being. He was only doing his job. Good teachers give feedback - no matter how painful it'll sound.

That didn't change the fact that I felt like doing this with my major work:

So then I went back to the group and moped about life. I moped about the upcoming trials and how instead of dedicating my time to studying and organizing notes/related texts/doing practice essays, I would be rewriting my major work during the holidays. I moped about the future and how I was so sick of hearing people say that my life was easy because I could do anything I wanted to and succeed. It's not easy. Especially when the areas you're interested in have very very very low job stability. After periods 4 & 5 I went home and continued moping. I forced myself to read the comments on the major work (because I knew it wasn't going to be any less painful than reading it a week later) and then spent half an hour wondering why I just did that when it'd made me feel about 10 times worse. And now I'm moping on my blog. God, I'm so pathetic.

Today was such an epic fail. I woke up all motivated and shit - ready to churn out at least 500 words for my extension 2 project since I haven't touched it in the last 4 weeks. I then got sidetracked by Bloodfever, the fourth book of the Fever series and when I finished reading it, I sat in my bed like a stunned lump of useless nothing-ness.

I then got up and took a shower (I compulsively take showers when I'm feeling sick) and then went downstairs for breakfast. After breakfast, I came back upstairs, sat down with my laptop and wrote a little bit. I think I managed to come up with 200 words. It wasn't much. And in terms of story progression, nothing really happened.

Then I sat and I'm not quite sure what I did for the last 2 and a half hours. I might've been reading some stylerookie: http://www.thestylerookie.com/ or I might/might not have been youtubing The Civil Wars.

Either way, it was not very productive and now I no longer feel like writing. Seriously guys, pumping myself up to write anything for EX2 is such an ordeal. I just want to start the whole thing over again - go with a different concept and just write like I normally do. But I won't because deep down I have a feeling that even if I had chosen a different concept, I would've eventually gotten bored of it as well.

Anyway, here's a song for you guys:

I wish Janet would release a full studio album.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't just write a story about fairies and castles and princesses for my Major Work. It's true, those things are a hundred times more appealing than a blogging-correspondence story set in the 21st century. Certainly, if I'd done something whimsical and fluffy, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't feel like hurling myself off the Sydney Harbour Bridge every time I work on the blasted thing.

But then I remember that the stories that get higher marks are the ones that have some sort of "meaningful content". Like grief.... or cancer.... or a complex philosophical theory such as post-post-modernism. It also doesn't help that my image of an extension 2 HSC marker is some kind of upper-middle-class urbanite who watches French films (without the subtitles) in his/her spare time.

Oh pooface :( THIS PROJECT IS LIKE BELLA'S BABY. IT WON'T STOP DRAINING MY LIIIIIIIIIIFE.

Tutor's been cancelled today! Yaaaaaaay!!

Yes. Welcome back, my most over-used happy gif. It's just that, I don't actually have anything happier than spastic Matt Smitha and Karen Gillan, so you'll just have to do.

It's Sunday today and at this point in time, I feel quite happy. If my mood over a specific time period was graphed out, I believe it would look like a sine curve. I'm always so prone to fluctuating from highs to lows to highs again. Don't worry, it's not bi-polar, it's just me. And I believe Extension 2 has something to do with it. If I've worked on it recently and I'm okay with what I've done, my mood rises. But if I've neglected it for a while and I know I really should be dedicating some time to but just can't find the will to do anything, my mood starts sinking back down. And the cycle will inevitably repeat. That's the curse of a major work. If you do Visual Arts,Drama, History Extension or English Extension 2, you will know what I mean.

Cynthia meet English Extension 2. English Extension 2, meet Cynthia. Cynthia, just so you know, EX2 is going to be the bane of your existence for the next 10 months. He is going to give you numerous restless nights as well as an almost suicidal outlook by November. You guys have fun together.

P.S. I went to the beach yesterday and after showering, my hair still smells like seaweed. Strange. That has never happened before.

Just a heads up for you guys. I am 98.55% sure that for my English Extension 2 Major Work, I will be doing a series of BLOG POSTS about stuff. What exactly? I 'm not entirely sure. I still need a concept but I'm kind of leaning towards maybe exploring "How pop culture influences social media (aka blogs), and how in turn, social media influences what today's social identity is."

What did I just say up there? GOOD QUESTION GUYS. I will get back to you on that.... once I figure it out properly. See the thing is, I sometimes get these inspirational hallelujah moments on what my concept is about. And then a few days later, I will forget. Right now, I believe it means that I just want to look at how people perceive themselves through social media. Why do we blog? We blog because we want to talk about our interests (at least that's why I blog, I don't know about you). But in doing so, are we actually establishing our own identity - to tell people "this is who I am and this is what I like." Pop Culture can become the linking theme. I'm going to create a few personas/characters and they will blog about ...... I don't know, Lady Gaga, Gene Kelly, the Beatles, etc. And in doing so I can somehow hint that their interests have shaped the way they act, they way they go about their everyday lives, etc.

Am I confusing you guys? I probably am aren't I? Well if you understood what I was trying to say up there, then good on you. Oh, Lyanna and Othilia, I'm talking to you guys specifically cause this was what I was trying to say at lunch today..... before my brain got fried by Mr T's incessant cross-examination. Does my concept now make sense? If it doesn't, please tell me because I myself am not 100% sure what I want to do. I think being asked questions by other people will help me clear up the grey areas.

Anyway, I digress. Why did I congratulate you fellow bloggers in the first place? It's because, henceforth, I shall be regarding all your blogs as "research material" for investigating what people blog about and why they blog. YAY! You are now all "test subjects" for Cynthia's English Extension 2 major work! Don't worry, I won't mention your blogs specifically in my bibliography/journal (unless you want to be mentioned of course). And I won't be analyzing your personal issues or whatever. I'm just interested in your styles, your format and your choice of subject matter. So carry on, my fellow test subjects! (LOL just kidding. You guys don't have to think of yourself as test subjects..... you may use the term "guinea pig" if you prefer).

*OFF TOPIC*

Who watched the ARIAs last night? You know what I realized? Gotye is actually quite sexy.... in his own lanky, unassuming, way. I never noticed. Must have been all that body/face paint.