Twenty minutes till tutor and I've kind of lost all motivation to do anything. I don't feel like Simming, I don't have any more drama to watch, there's nothing on TV, books have temporarily lost all their appeal to me and Othilia's at tutor so I can't ring her to have my nervous breakdown.

It's the end of Week 9/Term 4. I should be happy right now. But I'm not. Why is this? I was happy a few weeks ago, when there was still a month to go before the holidays but now that there's less then 4 days left, why do I feel so depressed? Bummer. If I'm like this at the end of the year, I would hate to see myself at the beginning of 2012 when I know there's a whole year of non-stop hard work in front of me. Cynthia! Get your act together!

So... my modern and history extension results are coming out in 3 days. I told myself that there's nothing to be scared of. What's done is done, right? But I think it's finally sinking in that if the results aren't that good, I would have to do the course again. That's a really really depressing thought to me. And after the sad sad results of the 3u maths test this week, I don't think I can take any more bad news. I think that's always been my deepest fear - doing so bad at something that the chance of digging yourself back out is slim to none. It makes me feel hopeless. And then that hopelessness translates into me not seeing the point in working hard anymore. Because what's the point if all your hard work doesn't manage to pay off anyway?

Ughh, this is so depressing. A test has never affected me in such a bad way before. This is such a horrible feeling.