I really really don't want to do the Musicianship paper this year. Well I've never wanted to do it but the feeling is particularly strong this year. I think I'm suffering from "burn-out" LOL. I feel like a train that's run out of steam too early and now it's stranded in the middle of nowhere. Woah, weird - I just had a Thomas-the-Tank-Engine flashback.

Today I did a practice Musicianship paper at my piano lesson and spent WAY WAY too long on the composition part. I got a huge lecture from my teacher from that. It went something along the lines of:

Teacher: You've spent too much time staring at the manuscript! Write something, and write it quickly!

Me: Err.. ok

Teacher: Well? What are you doing? Don't you know how to compose?

Me: Yeh but -

Teacher: Come on! Just sing a tune in your head and write it down! That's what I do for Church every week. I make up songs in my head while walking to the grocery store. It's not that hard!

And then I feel even more pressured and end up doing nothing. It's hard ok? How the hell are you supposed to compose stuff with someone breathing down your neck and watching your every move like a goddamn hawk. It's impossible.