If you didn't tune in to SBS on Sunday Night at around 7:45 then you have probably missed the most awesome annual event of the year: EUROVISION. The night where sparkly pants and gelled hair are all the rage and its okay if you can't sing because WHO CARES?! YOU'VE GOT OVER 120 MILLION VIEWERS WATCHING YOU AROUND THE WORLD. HUZZAH!

For those of you who live under a rock, Eurovision is basically the biggest song competition in all of Europe. Over 50 countries take part and compete for the prestige of becoming Europe's most popular singer? Act? Um, something like that. Considering that each country can only enter ONE act (maximum of 5 or 6 people), it's amazing how many well.... crap acts get submitted. Like dude, you've got a whole freakin' country to choose from and you pick THAT singer. Srsly. HAHAHA. But I guess it makes sense because the winner of the previous year, their country has to host Eurovision the next year. Therefore if you don't win, you don't

need to spend millions on setting up the stage for next year.

It's a very simple process though. There are heats, semi-finals and a final. I usually only watch the final cause 24 acts is enough for me. The finale goes for about 3-4 hours? And during that time, people from all over Europe get to vote for their favourite. The funny thing is (and this cracks me up all the time), is that countries tend to vote for their neighbours LOL. So you've got Greece voting for Cyprus and Cyprus voting for Greece. Some, like the UK, are quite honest and they vote for their favourites but well, it doesn't always happen like that. Underneath all the glitz and glammer, is a simmering pot of geopolitics.

Anyways, I'm boring you with all this explaining, let me just get to my thoughts on Eurovision 2011. I'm just gonna talk about some of the acts that stood out to me:

IRELAND: Lipstick - John and Edward (aka Jedward, aka, the Red Jumping Dwarves)

This duo actually came from X factor in the UK. They're known as Jedward by the fans and they're apparently really popular over there (?) especially with the younger audience. HAHAHAHA. I swear to Buddha, they were like a pair of jumping jacks. THEY WOULD NOT STAND STILL. If they weren't doing hyperactive star jumps around the stage, they were doing hyperactive straddle jumps or something like that. And their costumes reminded me of something you would see at Lady Gaga's monster ball, complete with the elaborate-but-unecessary shoulder pads. Despite the seizure-causing backdrop, I actually quite liked them LOL. My sister thought I was crazy but well, I guess I was hypnotized but all the weird-ass jumping. And they reminded me of Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum from Alice in Wonderland :)

RUSSIA: Get You - Alex Sparrow (aka The Face (1))

I don't know why but Eurovision has this thing where they think that if you're young and pretty and keep winking at the camera, you'll win. Alex emcompasses all those things - he winked a record 4-5 times at the camera during his performance and he's got one of those stereotypical movie-star type faces. I've called him the face because well, that's what he is, a face. He even had one of those glowing back things that can light up and show a letter. He had three other back up dancers with those light things and together they spelt A-L-E-X. Pffffffff. The lyrics to his song went something like:

Enough said.

SWEDEN: Popular (?) - Eric Saade (aka The Face (2))

The pretty faces just kept on coming. I can see why he came 2nd. All the girls probably just fell over themselves trying to get to the phone to vote. I have to admit, he had a pretty nice face - he just couldn't sing. But that's okay. Why would you need to sing? It's only a SONG contest. More importantly, why bother singing at all when you've got a face like that?

GERMANY: Taken by a Stranger - Lena Meyer-Landrut (aka 2010 winner)

She probably received the most hysteria in the lead up to her performance. And why wouldn't she? After all, she WON last year and the contest was taking place in her home country in front of millions of her people. This was only the third time that a defending champion came back so it was pretty exciting. Was she able to repeat the magic of last year? According to the Australian commentators, not really. Her song that won last year was very pop-y and modern and I think she wanted to do something different this year. It still sounded modern but it wasn't as... crowd-pleasing as last years'.

Personally, I quite liked the song. About 80% of the Eurovision viewers wouldn't agree but honestly, if you listen to it a few times, it'll grow on you. Unlike all the people who just bring all the glitz and glammer to Eurovision, I reckon Lena can actually churn out a decent pop track. It actually sounded like something you would be able to hear on the radio. I liked it. And that black backdrop with the bright spotlights was amazing. Oh yeh, the hip movement thing was quite hypnotizing as well. Youtube it and you'll see what I mean.

AZERBAIJAN: Ell & Nikki - Running Scared (aka winners of Eurovision 2011)

Funnily enough, the one that I missed was the one that won. But that's okay, I still managed to hear the song as I scanned my maths book upstairs for Juliana. It's a really nice song though. Not too crazy (like Ireland's), not too modern (like Lena's) and not too operatic (like France - who, by the way NEVER sing in English because they think it's beneath them). It was a kind of pop-ballad about love (what else?) and there was a very glorious raining-molten-lava effect during the chorus- according to my sister. The song is addictive. Just not as addictive as Fairytale by Alexander Rybak. For me, Alexander Rybak will always be the ULTIMATE winner of Eurovision.

There were so many more acts out there but I could only skim the surface of it all. I didn't get to talk about Greece's horrible horrible rapping or Ukraine's epic sandpainting or Switzerland's Taylor Swift doppleganger. How about next year, we'll have a Eurovision party at my house. Then we can just laugh at the gaudiness of it all instead of me blogging about it to an imaginary audience. Okay? Okay :D